My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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