Where is the hickey?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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