glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
