I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
