shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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