Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize