The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
