I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
