P.S. I can't hear my feet
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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