i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
