summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
