I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
God I need to hump something, right now.
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