Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
