I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize