Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
