i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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