____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
