You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
