Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
