I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
