And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
