i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
