If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
