did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
