My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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