In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
