I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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