Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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