you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
