I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
