He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
