I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
