Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
