My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
