just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
