nut hugger
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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