I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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