i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So many bounce houses so little time
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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