Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
