apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
