she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
