i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
