a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
