new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
