sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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