I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
