Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
