The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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