Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
