God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
