I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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