hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
