Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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