If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize