I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
