Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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