Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How does one acquire holy water?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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