I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
