shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
