Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
