just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
