i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
