We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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