I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
