so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
