i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
