they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
