i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
