there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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