can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
