I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
