look no pants
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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