my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
