yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
